Case study: Samitha

Samitha is a 25 year-old Bangladeshi mother of three, who came to London at the age of 16.

In Bangladesh, I had a happy life. Before I came here, I thought I could learn how to speak English, and I could get a job and everything. But when I came here, I had responsibilities and restrictions. The relationship with my husband - now, it's fine. In the beginning, we didn't understand each other. Now we are compromising. It's the in-laws that are the problem. According to them, a daughter-in-law's place is at home, looking after family.

I have a lot of work to do, looking after the children, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, husband, brother-in-law -- every morning I wake up early and cook, clean, everything.

I want to be like other people, do what they do, work, have money. I want to do anything to start with - and slowly, I will build up my experience. Obviously you need to start somewhere. I would do voluntary work to get those skills and then I'll not only be helping myself I'll be helping the country as well. And then also you get your independence and experience. Working is not just about money, it's also about using your time well, getting experience.

It was only last year I was allowed out of the house to even come to English classes. I come to the class two days a week. It's very helpful. I have time to myself and get a fresh mind.

I don't get any money. I have never gone to a shop by myself, or with the children to a park, because my in-laws never allowed me. My husband will never consider moving out. He will not stand up to his mother.

I'm compromising my life. I don't want my husband to leave his family, but I should have the same rights as my sister-in-laws. If they can take a driving lesson, if they can go away where they want to, then I should have that freedom as well. Because I am a daughter-in-law it does not mean I am a slave.

Posted on 15 May 2009